What does it mean to truly connect in an era of distractions, polarization, and surface-level interactions? For Topaz Adizes, Emmy-winning producer, author of 12 Questions for Love, and founder of The Skin Deep, it’s about leaning into the power of intentional conversations.
Over 11 years, Adizes has facilitated over 1,200 conversations across ten countries—documenting relationships between family members, friends, exes, and even coworkers. These aren’t your run-of-the-mill talks; they’re raw, intimate exchanges designed to uncover shared humanity.
I had the privilege of hosting Topaz on the Redefining Work podcast, where we dove deep into his approach to connection, the role of vulnerability, and the future of human interaction in an increasingly AI-driven world. Here's what I learned.
The ‘And’ That Connects Us
At the heart of Topaz’s work is a simple conjunction: and.
“Humanity is not within us; it’s between us,” Topaz explained.
This philosophy birthed The And, a video project capturing the unfiltered nuances of human relationships. Unlike traditional interviews or dialogue, The And shows both participants’ faces simultaneously—illuminating not just the speaker, but the listener, and more importantly, the space between them.
The project’s goal? To explore the “emotional experience of being human” in a time when technology often overshadows it.
Whether it’s a father and daughter confronting past wounds or coworkers navigating power dynamics, the conversations show us that the magic of humanity is often found in the messy, vulnerable in-between moments.
Lessons for Leaders: The Power of Intentionality
In our conversation, I asked Topaz for advice on how leaders can foster connection in their teams, particularly in workplace settings. His answer boiled down to two critical elements: creating space and asking well-constructed questions.
“When leaders ask questions, employees aren’t just answering—they’re analyzing why those questions are being asked,” Topaz shared.
This, he explained, can lead to guarded responses. Instead, he suggests a neutral framework, like using a random card-drawing format, to level the power dynamic.
For leaders looking to build trust, consider these prompts from The Skin Deep’s team-building decks:
“What’s one value we don’t share with our clients that we should?”
“What’s the elephant in the room no one is talking about?”
“Where are we being effective but not efficient?”
By reframing meetings with clear intentions—whether for brainstorming, decision-making, or connection-building—leaders can encourage openness without risking misunderstanding.
Vulnerability: More Than Sharing
We often equate vulnerability with confession: sharing a hardship, revealing a failure, or admitting weakness. But as Topaz pointed out, vulnerability is also about listening—a skill many leaders (and humans) undervalue.
“Taking feedback without defensiveness is an act of vulnerability,” he noted.
Whether it’s asking your team what you can improve on or sitting through uncomfortable truths, vulnerability isn’t always about saying something; sometimes, it’s about receiving.
AI and the Future of Human Connection
As someone deeply rooted in storytelling and technology, Topaz had a fascinating take on the rise of AI: it’s not a threat but a call to action.
“AI learns ubiquitously, but humans don’t. We learn at different rates, in different ways, and with unique perspectives. That’s where our value lies,” he said.
For him, the future of work and creativity will depend on our ability to embrace differences. “How do we cultivate spaces that unearth those differences? It’s in our conversations. And that requires sitting in discomfort while staying safe.”
This distinction between safety and comfort is vital. Growth—and connection—rarely happens without some level of discomfort.
Takeaways for a Disconnected World
One of the most profound insights from my conversation with Topaz was his emphasis on listening.
“We’re not practicing listening,” he stated. “What media are you consuming that helps you practice listening?”
It’s a question worth sitting with. In a world that rewards speaking, posting, and shouting, the practice of listening feels almost subversive. Yet, it’s the key to bridging divides, understanding differences, and building resilience—whether in personal relationships or professional teams.
Final Thoughts
Topaz’s work is a powerful reminder that connection isn’t automatic—it’s cultivated. By being intentional about the spaces we create, the questions we ask, and the way we listen, we can deepen our relationships and uncover opportunities hidden in our differences.
For leaders, teammates, and humans alike, the challenge is clear: practice listening. Not just hearing words, but truly sitting with another’s perspective. Because, as Topaz so eloquently put it, “Humanity is not within us; it’s between us.”
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